Rimmer Lets it Loose
by Brianna.T.Wedge
Summary: Rimmer accidentally lets his feelings towards Lister known... and then has a panic attack. Rimmer/Lister slash.
1. Chapter 1

He should have just let it go. Of course it was just a joke, something to fill the impending silence as they traversed the utter boringness of deep space. But no, he had to open his smegging mouth and now he was here, alone, in the cargo-hold. The conversation just kept replaying in his mind: the Cat, Kryten, and Lister.

"You know with our luck, I don't think we're gonna run into any ladies ever." The Cat had said, while steering the ship.  
>"Don't worry sir, if you can't find a lady any time soon there's always Mr. Lister." Kryten had added, and Rimmer still couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.<br>"Well there are worse things I suppose." Lister shrugged.  
>"Sorry bud, but I'm a strictly 'ladies-only' cat."<br>"Even with your fashion sense?" Lister had laughed. Rimmer still thought he'd made a good point.  
>"What you talkin' bout, monkey? You interested? 'Cause I know I look damn good and all but I ain't going there."<br>Lister put on a (in hindsight, faked) pained expression and put his hands on his chest.  
>"Aww, you've broken me heart. C'mon, give's a kiss…" Lister had teased, as the Cat rolled his eyes.<p>

This was where Rimmer knew he should have just let them laugh and allow the subject to be dropped. But no, he had gotten jealous and snapped back.

"No! You're not seriously in love with the Cat are you?" He asked incredulously, with a hint of anger.  
>"What's it to you, Rimmer?" Dave responded, trying to drag some amusement out of his friend.<br>"Well just because your boat swings both ways doesn't mean you have to settle for him when there are other people out there better for you! I mean, could you imagine kissing that fish-breathed narcissistic, self-involved cat?"  
>"Ok ok calm down Rimmer – we were only joking. …Why weren't you?" Lister responded questioningly…well, Rimmer had heard it as 'accusingly' at the time. Even here he could have just said that he was joking too. But no.<p>

"I… I… Because Lister deserves to be with someone that treats him right, cares for him, looks after him…and clearly that's not you, Cat." He had snapped.  
>"Hang on, you said there were other people out there for me. But I'm the last human alive, and you're the only other one around…Rimmer, did you mean you?"<p>

This was where the joke had ended, with all three of them staring at him. Even then, he supposed, he could have laughed and lied. But instead, he had gone pale and ran. Right to the cargo-hold. And he had stayed there, uttering 'smeg' to himself over and over with his head in his hands.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock on the automatic doors, which opened anyway, and Lister walked through. The doors closed behind him, but he didn't come closer.  
>"Rimmer man, is it alright if I come in and have a chat?" Lister spoke, gently and kindly. Rimmer had looked up at him in shock when he entered, but slowly nodded. Dave walked in and took a seat next to him on the crate.<p>

"Look I'm sorry." Rimmer said before his friend could start talking.  
>"Don't be sorry man, although it was a little rude to run off without answering my question." Lister said with a smile. Rimmer looked at him puzzled, so Lister repeated.<br>"Did you mean you? As the other person to be with me?"  
>Rimmer swallowed his dread: it was now or never. Again, he slowly nodded.<br>"Smeg Rimmer, I had no idea. How long?"  
>"How long have I been into men as well as women?" Rimmer asked, looking at Lister entirely now.<br>"No, but let's go with that."  
>"Well, mid-teens I guess. I just never really wanted to go after women too much, and was too afraid to go after men so I just focused on my career."<br>"Ahh that makes sense. Actually lots of things are starting to make more sense." Lister pondered, before continuing.  
>"But I thought you couldn't stand me, Rimmer?"<br>"Well at first I couldn't really, but as I got to know you I found myself growing more and more attached. When you were put into stasis, left my life suddenly and completely, it really hit me hard. Then was when I realised…but I couldn't dare let you find out when I came back. Smeg I'm sorry, really Lister…" Rimmer began to apologise to avoid continuing talking. He didn't think he could say it.  
>"Smeggin' quit it, Rimmer, and keep talkin' to me. How come now you dropped the act?"<br>"I just can't do it anymore Listy, act like I don't like you at all. It's just… too hard…but you, you really hate me and I… I ..." Rimmer's voice was starting to fail him. He was starting to get shaky…damn his nervous disorder! Electricity jolted through his body as Lister placed a hand onto his knee – he wasn't sure if Dave noticed it that much, but it certainly stood out for Rimmer. He also noticed that it was getting hard to breathe properly.  
>"Rimmer I don't hate you, I annoy you so much because I like you, you gimboid. Even three million years ago, I loved to annoy you 'cause that was just how we got along. Brought us closer, it did. And then when the crew were gone and it was just you and me, I just kept it up. Listen to me Rimmer…I think, well, I… possibly, after all this time of just you and me, well I might like you that way too, ya smeghead."<p>

Rimmer heard what he said, but didn't respond. He couldn't talk – well, he couldn't breathe at all. He clutched his chest while he bent forwards, trying to gasp for air. Lister jumped, and stood helplessly babbling for Rimmer to breathe.  
>"Kryten! Rimmer's having another panic attack!" Lister shouted out towards the cockpit. He noticed that Rimmer was mouthing the words 'smeg' and 'I'm sorry' to Lister, but he also took note of his very pale colour. And then he collapsed.<br>"Ah smeg!" Lister shouted as he walked over to the fainted Rimmer, and laid him out properly on the floor instead of the crumpled heap he had fallen in. In the back of his mind, as Kryten entered in a panic, Lister noted just how real hard-light holograms were.


	3. Chapter 3

Rimmer awoke to bright lights shining down upon him. Groaning, he sat up and looked out into the Med bay. His eyes focused on the dark form sitting next to him. And then it all came rushing back to him.  
>"Lister I…" he began, before he was cut off.<br>"If you were about to apologise, don't. At least you just fainted, and didn't have a heart attack." Lister said, feeling and all-new sense of protection and caring for the not-so-invulnerable-after-all hologram that lay before him. At first, he hated the man. Then, he enjoyed the company while he teased him. Sure, Rimmer still annoyed him sometimes, but Lister didn't want to _not_ be around him now. He thought it a strange turn-around, but Rimmer really had changed over the past few years of just them together. Rimmer didn't know what to say, so Lister filled the silence.  
>"I'm glad you're alright, man. I'd better let you rest for a bit, and get back to the cockpit."<br>Rimmer smiled, but was a little disappointed that Dave seemed to be ignoring his feelings. At least it wasn't awkward between them, Rimmer noted. That would be worse than just forgetting about it.

Lister rose from his chair to leave, but before turning to head out the door, he planted a gentle kiss on Rimmer's forehead.  
>"See you soon, Smeghead." He whispered, looking into Rimmer's eyes, and then left.<p>

Rimmer's heart flew, and for the first time he could remember he was actually happy.


End file.
